It's easy to see golf not as a game at all but as some whey-faced, nineteenth-century Presbyterian minister's fever dream of exorcism achieved through ritual and self-mortification.

You can parody almost anything.

I'm a great admirer of cartoons, because I can't do cartoons.

No game designed to be played with the aid of personal servants by right-handed men who can't even bring along their dogs can be entirely good for the soul.

Not even Barbra Streisand celebrates herself as tirelessly as golf celebrates itself.

If the general attitude of Canadians toward their mighty neighbor to the south could be distilled into a single phrase, that phrase would probably be "Oh, shut up."

If an ant carries an object a hundred times its weight, you can carry burdens many times your size.

Delayed gratification is what makes a man.

Good bands won't get famous anymore unless they get really lucky.

The process of divorce is about loading that blanket, throwing it up, watching it all spin, and worrying what stuff will break when it lands.

At a certain point, I just felt, you know, God is not looking for alms, God is looking for action.

The void created by the failure to communicate is soon filled with poison, drivel and misrepresentation.

Who knows what may lie around the next corner? There may be a window somewhere ahead. It may look out on a field of sunflowers.

Just don't do things that depress you. I realized if it depresses me, then I just don't want to get close to it. If it brings me down, I just really can't get into it.

I have a phobia of spoons I haven't used one in about 10 years

What your mind cannot master it will eventually resent.