It's frightening to wake up one morning and discover that while you were asleep you went out of style.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

I tried to discover, in the rumor of forests and waves, words that other men could not hear, and I pricked up my ears to listen to the revelation of their harmony.

If you don't take inventory of your blessings, ingratitude will try to steal them from you.

So, yes, I will marry you. Someday. If you'll have me, " he said modestly."Of course I will, you idiot, " I said with a shriek, and threw myself into his arms.

We're like the couple on the sitcom that has good sparks but never get together for the sake of ratings.

We take better care of the maintenance of our cars than we take care of the maintenance of our bodies.

I believe life is an intelligent thing: that things aren't random.

She was like a sinking ship firing on the rescuers.

At sixty, I would like to give my future back its vistas of uncertainty.

It has been my experience that presence is a more powerful catalyst for change than analysis.

The more you cling to things, The more you love them, The more the pain you suffer, When they're taken from you.