It's funny because it's funny.

There's always something funny about men chasing women.

You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that's depressing, or you can screw around and have fun.

Whenever you get on the plane, the flight attendant will always tell you the name of your pilot. Like anyone goes, Oh, he's good.

You know the drill. 18 is legal. 17 with consent. 16 with a note. 15 if her dad's in the room. Low five!

I'm a gentleman and I was always taught it's rude, to talk about a woman's age or weight unless you are breaking up with her.

I just don't like to go out and deal with the real world. It's scary.

Staying in a hotel this time. They put me up in a little bit of a shithole. Yeah. Just this side of rinky dink. The first 7 floors are a homeless shelter, but I'm on 8.

Gossip is a plague that consumes weak, gullible people and blinds them from the truth of reality; it can devour entire city's. I prefer keeping my eyes wide open.

I want to get back to my fighting weight of 98 pounds. I have the exact measurements of that guy from the movie, Powder. Right now, I am the reigning West Coast Powder.

My fellow nerds and I will retire to the nerdery with our calculators.

By mastering character and plot, you give your book a fighting chance and withoutcharacter and plot, no book can survive.

The Constitution was framed upon the theory that the peoples of the several states must sink or swim together, and that in the long run prosperity and salvation are in union and not division.

I like finishing a movie and having this living, breathing thing.

I run because it always takes me where I want to go.

I have a suspicion the blacks model themselves on the whites now that they're in power. 'Don't you know who we are, man?'

We need to support new organizing strategies for employees who too often have never had the benefit of collective bargaining, and we have to resist the assault on workers' rights.

It's women who have embraced their own sexuality, it's why women wear makeup, it's why they wear high heels. It's what civilization is all about.

Neiman-Marcus is one thing, and the Dallas Cowboys are another.

This AIDS stuff is pretty scary. I hope I don't get it.

I don't finish every story, but I probably write and send out three out of five of them.