It’s good to be here. I’m just trying to go through life without looking stupid. It’s not working out too well.

You know what's fun? You pick somebody at random, like out of the phone book, and send them about 100 'Just Because' cards. They can't even ask you why you did it.

Go my favorite sports team go! Score a goal. Unit. Basket. Go squadron! Defeat the opponents soundly in this...skirmish.

I think the serving size of ice cream is when you hear the spoon hit the bottom of the container.

If you were to second guess your decision to book some time to visit an Indian community, that would be a reservation reservation reservation.

A formula for comedy is comedy equals tragedy plus time. A difficult or uncomfortable situation takes place, and then you laugh about it later down the road.

The big yellow one is the sun!

I was at the breakfast table this morning and I read in the newspaper that more and more adults are living at home with their parents. That surprised me, I was like Mom did you read this?

Racquetball is the only sport where simultaneously you can be looking at the ball and it'll hit you in the back of the head at 90 miles per hour.

I hate getting off the elevator on the wrong floor? Anyone ever do that... and then you have to turn around and face those people. I feel like I owe everyone in there an explanation.

If Einstein was so smart how come people only call you 'Einstein' when you do something really stupid ?

If God permit you to fall, He will definitely stand by you to rise.

Horror was rooted in sympathy . . . in understanding what it would be like to suffer the worst.

The word bollocks seems strong, punk rock, and imposing, but in reality, bollocks is always too tame to make much of an impact.

To be an artist means to search, to find and look at these realities. To be an artist means to never look away.

Do you remember when you found out you wouldn't live forever? People don't talk about this, but everybody had to go through it because you're not born with that knowledge.

I'm so beautifully represented, so honored the Senate approved Rex Tillerson . He's going to be fantastic.

I wouldn't touch a superlative again with an umbrella.

If it's freedom you want, come to Texas. No one there tells you what to do and how you have to do it.

If I wasn't a writer, I don't know what I'd be. Probably a marine biologist or something.

Being a writer is a very private, internal process. Ultimately I am more the writer, being an introvert.