It's great that we're bringing democracy to Iraq. I can't wait to see how we do it! What are we gonna do, give them our civics textbooks?

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

Life calls the tune, we dance.

Your success can’t be measured by anyone else. You have to set your own goals and do what gives you a sense of fulfillment.

Like all magnificent things, it’s very simple.

Lord Rothschild had access to all manner of leaders and experts. He was responsible only to the Prime Minister and answerable to neither the electorate nor the civil service chiefs.

The way a good rod first flexes and then extends its muscles as the line quickens, tightens, rises off the water and does figure eights in mid-air is one of the miracles of humanly applied dynamics.

Ever since there's been a Hollywood, they remake a movie every 20 years.

EXTREME LUXURY ISN'T THE MOST BLING-BLING, IT'S EXTREME REFINEMENT, WHICH IS COUTURE AT ITS FINEST.

I turned to human suffering because - this may sound odd - animal suffering is more difficult for me to deal with.

The nicest characters in A Week in December research are, in fact, Muslims - and their religious devotion is one of the things that defines them.

Any item in your wardrobe should satisfy one of two criteria: utility and joy.