It's hard to be happy for someone when you know deep down they'd kill you if they had the chance.

I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.

I'm a late-night guy.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.

When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.

Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.

If you walk in joy, happiness is close behind.

Life is supposed to be used in fulfilling our individual purposes of creation

The last time Sean found trouble, she arrived in a package of blonde hair and blue eyes.” ~ Giles on Jem

Fashion is free speech, and one of the privileges, if not always one of the pleasures, of a free world

My object is to save the world, while still leading a pleasant life.

America is divided by economics, and we as Americans, we've got to do a better job of supporting poor people.

Maybe there is hope in the fragments, that what is lost can always be filled in by someone who knows.

If you are in the habit of creating suffering for yourself, then you are probably creating suffering for others too

We also try to reach out to people who are far away, via digital means, the web and brief messaging.