It's hard to be sad when you're laughing, so I enjoy making people happy.

I spend a lot of time thinking of the Hereafter - each time I enter a room I wonder what I'm here after.

At first I wanted to be a jockey. I rode horses in Cleveland but I kept falling off and I was afraid of horses. So there wasn't much of a future in it.

I resent my barber when he charges the full cost after he cuts my hair, but he says he's charging me for finding it.

My career is pretty much over. I'm out in the Valley eating soft-boiled eggs.

Phyllis Diller came through a mine field of male comedians when she arrived on the comedy scene and she defused them all. She won her place in the Hall of Comedy as the First Lady. I will miss her.

I've never really taken anything very seriously. I enjoy life because I enjoy making other people enjoy it.

I like to work a lot with wood. I make furniture that falls apart. I also sew.

You can't TV surf without coming across an Andy of Mayberry episode where you've just got to watch Don as Barney. And that's why I put Don in several of my movies.

I figure you're only here for a matter of moments. Ever since I was a kid watching movies I've always wanted to make people laugh or have some sort of emotional reaction.

Fortunately my wife is understanding. When I come home from the races she never asks any questions, if I tell her I just ate a $380 hot dog.

Marriage, in my view, should be a balanced stalemate between equal adversaries.

We can all make the world a better place through the moment-to-moment decisions we make as we interact with people.

Earnestness and sincereness are synonymous.

I dont know if youre familiar with Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. You step outside the hotel, and youre soaking wet within 10 minutes.

When I joined Gucci in 2002, I immediately wanted to make a research trip into the archives because I'd heard about how incredible they were, but I never had the opportunity to visit them.

You deserve better from your entire government, all of us.

Cultural stupidity accounts for virtually every aspect of Sarah Palin, both as a person and a political icon. Which, come to think of it, may be a pretty good reason not to misunderstimate her.

We're living in post-nuance online times.

Is not the most erotic part of the body wherever the clothing affords a glimpse?