It's hard to convince people that you're killing them for their own good.

I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag.

On the whole, I prefer not to be lectured on patriotism by those who keep offshore maildrops in order to avoid paying their taxes.

What we have here, fellow citizens, is a crassly egocentric, raving twit.

It's like, duh. Just when you thought there wasn't a dime's worth of difference between the two parties, the Republicans go and prove you're wrong.

It is possible to read the history of this country as one long struggle to extend the liberties established in our Constitution to everyone in America.

Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful. I only aim at the powerful. When satire is aimed at the powerless, it is not only cruel -- it's vulgar.

If you ever get to the place where injustice doesn't bother you, you're dead.

One thing that corporations do not do is give out money out of the goodness of their hearts.

I know: "Guns Don't Kill People." But I suspect that they have something to do with it. If you point your finger at someone and say, "Bang, bang, you're dead," not much actually happens.

How the American right managed to convince itself that the programs to alleviate poverty are responsible for the consequences of poverty will someday be studied as a notorious mass illusion.

The sky's gray and there's mizzle. It's so soft on my skin--it's nothing like rain. It's even softer than the lightest drizzle! Lift my face up, so it can kiss my skin." The Panopticon

A system of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet for the self-made man, along the path by which he advances to distinction.

We all have to die some day, if we live long enough.

There is only one God for us all, whether we find him through the Koran, the Zend-Avesta, The Tolmud, or the Gita.

Any who love Jesus will love others much more.

I've never really considered myself a home run hitter. Mostly I'm a guy who hits into the gaps for a lot of doubles.

You know, in the suburbs, most people believe in gravity, but they don't have much of a sense of humor.

If you like Harlan Coben, you’ll love Linwood Barclay.

Some people have this impression of me: 'Boy, he's always so serious on the field. Football. Football. Football.

Some people are motivated by visualizing themselves reaching their dream. Some people are motivated by the nightmare of not reaching it. Do both.