It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

Freedom...is the act of releasing ourselves from the bondage of that which keeps us from living the life we were meant to live.

Even the company of the mad was better than the company of the dead.

We still thought that we were the only two people in the world who were interested in the right kind of things in the right kind of way. C.S. Lewis

A man finds himself seven years older the day after his marriage.

When my dreams showed signs of becoming politically correct no unruly images escaping beyond borders ... then I began to wonder

The next time you do a filibuster, keep walking around.

Democracy was being saved from Communism by getting rid of democracy.

Mawah meenon ne le plus poohlala," I say with an affected bow.

Even when you win you lose... if you didn’t learn something.

I worked in a health food store once. A guy asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?