It's hilarious to me that by writing an obscene fake children's book I am mistaken for a parenting expert.

Being Jewish is a big part of my artistic sensibility and my humor... I think it gives me a certain take on the world on a literary level.

We had a kid. The kid was awesome. She didn't fall asleep easily. We complained about it. We got frustrated. But we didn't look for an out. We just accepted that this was part of parenting.

The genius of vinyl is that it allows - commands! - us to put our fingerprints all over that history: to blend and chop and reconfigure it, mock and muse upon it, backspin and skip through it.

He felt the comfort of being part of an eternal cycle symbolized by the gold strips on either side of the black mourning band he wore. Light, dark, light. The dark was just an interval.

Free yourself from the expectations of having to be right with the wrong information.

Life is the sum or product of a bunch of individual moments if you can't enjoy moments then how do you expect to enjoy life?

Men perish because they cannot join the beginning with the end.

Success is when the checks don’t bounce.

I wasn't disciplined at all. As good of an athlete as I was, I was not disciplined. Had I had the drive that I have in comedy, and acting, and writing, that's why I knew it just wasn't right for me.

To those who have separated themselves from the Church, I say, my dear friends, there is yet a place for you here.

The miserable man makes a peny of a farthing, and the liberall of a farthing sixe pence. [The miserable man maketh a penny of a farthing, and the liberal of a farthing sixpence.]

Your value is in yourself; the other stuff will come and go.

I'm always so sick of myself after a show.