It's important to hold something back, though, because quite frankly my personal life is pretty dull and I don't want to bore people with it.

When I left school I was full of angst, like any teenager, and I channeled it all into comedy.

It's very likely that graduates, current employees and retirees have some wonderful pieces of Deer Park history in their closets or garages.

The most useful form of time travel would be to go back a year or two and rectify the mistakes we made.

Keep yourself busy if you want to avoid depression. For me, inactivity is the enemy.

What fun is life without a bit of showing off?

People see my impressions as a great skill and I am flattered, but there are things I can't do that everyone else can. I can do funny voices and funny faces but I can't drive.

I finally learned to love myself by dressing up as Geri Halliwell.

If the worst that happens is that I wake up and see a picture of myself and a headline saying, 'He wasn't very funny last night', then I've got nothing to complain about.

Comedians don't have a monopoly on suffering. But creative people are sometimes fortunate enough to be able to incorporate their most traumatic experiences into their art.

I think this [Gnomeo & Juliet] is the closest I ought to get to Shakespeare to be honest.

This is for the kids who know that the worst kind of fear isn't the thing that makes you scream, but the one that steals your voice and keeps you silent.

Love is responsible for nearly every kind of insanity in the world though greed, vanity, and pure meanness contribute their portion to general misery.

Drink today and drown all sorrow You shall perhaps not do it tomorrow.

If the day did not require an AK then it was good

Sometimes, it's just great to bring new people into the mix.

I had still never read one of the Bond books when the movie Dr. No came out.

Daniel Patrick Moynihan is the archetypal extremely smart person who went into politics anyway instead of doing something worthwhile for his country.

Only we big sinners have this grace of knowing what salvation really means.

Why don't I just hand you my panties and be done with it.

The more I focused on my need to get better the worse I actually got - the more neurotic and self-conscious and self-absorbed I became.