It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

Be not the first by whom the new are tried Nor yet the last to lay the old aside.

Stripped of all their masquerades the fears of men are quite identical: the fear of loneliness rejection inferiority unmanageable anger illness and death.

That strong mother doesn't tell her cub, Son, stay weak so the wolves can get you. She says, Toughen up, this is reality we are living in.

Meanwhile in my head, I’m undergoing open-heart surgery.

Look what happened with the employment law in France-the law was withdrawn because the people marched in the streets. I think what we need is a global protest movement of people who won't give up.

It only takes 140 characters to toss ones character out the window.

...it is impossible for a genuine people's revolution in any country to win victory without various forms of help from the international revolutionary forces.

I touch God in my songas the hill touched the far-away seawith its waterfall.

The fact is, Bush's war policy has failed. It's failed! Who better to say so than Jack Murtha?

There is this thing called life. We live it, not as we intend or wish, but as we are driven on by forces outside and inside ourselves.