It's just Gods way of getting babies to heaven faster!

I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people.

I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.

I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.

It's all about being a part of something in the community, socializing with people who share interests and coming together to help improve the world we live in.

In New York, we tip everyone. We tip doormen, we tip cab drivers, and we tip bartenders at the bar. You'll get quite an evil eye if you don't leave a tip at the bar.

I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs.

The best way to travel abroad is to live with the locals.

I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose stops, in my opinion.

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? - Who watches the watchmen?

Imogene always sitson the remote. It’s probably wedged between her butt cheeks.”“Should I go get a crowbar?

Man is a phase of nature, and only as he is related to nature does he matter, does he have any account whatever above the dust.

Your time will come to follow me Jew

The Internet has become a tool to pick on people and ruin someone's life. I don't think parents realize what's going on.

If faculty would relax their emphasis on grades, this might serve not to lower standards but to encourage an orientation toward learning.

It's definitely like being in some weird sorority. I'm friends with a lot of actresses, but my 'SNL' friends are my closest.

There are a whole variety of reasons I want to be attorney general, a whole variety of things that I do as attorney general that go beyond national security.

The world does not get to be a better or a worse place; it just gets more senescent.

I was always very shy but as I get older I think, What am I being shy for? You just grow weary of your own hang-ups.