It's just like magic. When you live by yourself, all your annoying habits are gone!.

I sometimes look into the face of my dog Stan and see a wistful sadness and existential angst, when all he is actually doing is slowly scanning the ceiling for flies.

A wacky, trendy outfit on a guy over 40 indicates he's got big issues.

Beware the man who doesn't ask you any questions about yourself on your first date.

Men who have a lot of charm have it in place of something real that you are eventually going to want from them and find that they do not have.

No one would argue against the fact that L.A. leads the country in opportunities for being hip and pretentious.

A more complex - but only slightly more original - way to feel out of it is available at the hip and pretentious nightclubs and bars along the Sunset Strip.

You just never know when it might be cookie time. And, that is what the dogs have taught me.

My goal was always getting my work out in the world, and in many ways, I feel like the luckiest person alive.

The day is divided into two important sections: Mealtimes and everything else.

Every moment of your life that is not a complete nightmare is happiness.

People with victim mentality, consider actions such as making decisions, setting goals and achieving them to be nothing more than formidable obstacles

What is carved on rocks were away in time. What is told from mouth to mouth will live forever.

This is what labels do. They stick. If people think you're MAD, then everything you do, everything you think will have MAD stamped across it.

Yeah, to me, acting is very therapeutic. I get out a lot of anger and frustration.

A charitable man is like an apple tree-he gives his fruit and is silent; the philanthropist is like the successful hen.

I got a nice jumper on me, and i'm not just bragging.

The most fervent prayer meetings are in hell.

It's only a world, after all, and they're just sand grains in the desert, worlds.

Ha. "Against my will I am sent to bid you come into dinner." There's a double meaning in that. -Benedick (Much Ado)

O, my offence is rank, it smells to heaven