It's just to break things up between stand-up gigs. I would only do it periodically. Maybe just an East Coast thing.

Italians are fantastic people, really. They can work you over in an alley while singing an opera.

No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you.

I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.

When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket.

When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last.

Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?

I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is.

Yeah, I make fun of blacks, and why not? I'm not a black.

I used to play golf. I wanted to be a better player, but after a while I realized I'd always stink. And that's when I really started to enjoy the game.

Some people say funny things - but I say things funny.

If only they would not look at one so-What great misery can be in two such small spots, no bigger than a man's thumb-in their eyes!

Being willing to listen to others and let them speak into our lives is a critical attitude leaders must have. It is not weakness to get good advice - it is strength to seek it out.

I grew up in a very suburban neighborhood, so I was used to everything being safe and lovely.

I could see myself adopting a kid someday. But, obviously, I'd prefer it to be aborted.

My songs aren't bubble gum pop dance songs and I don't have background dancers on every single song.

When you fight for the impossible, sometimes you lose everything.

I will never leave the theater. My heart is there and I love being on stage eight times a week.

In Delaware, the largest growth in population is Indian-Americans moving from India. You cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent. I'm not joking.

In the first 27 years of my life, I never had written a single non-technical word. I went to engineering college and went to business school. I never knew I could write fiction of any form.

At the end of the day, my hat goes off to anybody trying to run for president, or trying to be president, because you're never going to please everybody, it's not possible.