It's lies. It's all lies. Some of them are just prettier than others, that's all. People see what they think is there.

The presence of those seeking the truth is infinitely to be preferred to the presence of those who think they've found it.

The purpose of this lectchoor is to let you know where we are. We are in the deep cack. It couldn't be worse if it was raining arseholes. Any questions?

It's not lying when you do it to officers!

Do you think it's possible for an entire nation to be insane?

This was not a fairy-tale castle and there was no such thing as a fairy-tale ending, but sometimes you could threaten to kick the handsome prince in the ham-and-eggs.

There was this about vampires : they could never look scruffy. Instead, they were... what was the word... deshabille. It meant untidy, but with bags and bags of style.

Who shall I shoot? You choose. Now, listen very carefully: where's your coffee? You've got coffee, haven't you? C'mon, everyone's got coffee! Spill the beans!

Maladict had hallucinations, but Wazzer had a certainty you could bend steel around. It was the opposite of a hallucination, somehow. It was as if she could see what was real and you couldn't.

Ankh-Morpork is a godless city--''I thought it had more than three hundred places of worship?' said Maladict. city', he recovered.

A woman always has half an onion left over, no matter what the size of the onion, the dish or the woman

In marriage you are not sacrificing yourself to the other person. You are sacrificing yourself to the relationship.

You've got to leave the reader with more than just a name and a costume - they need to know who the character is, what they're like, what kind of attitude they have, what sort of role they play.

Let your mind become clear like a still forest pool.

I always go back to the original material. I want a good connection as the composer and writer of the score to the director and to the source material. It's really important.

Friendship's the privilege of private men; for wretched greatness knows no blessing so substantial.

I am a fascist, not a racist.

Is a diamond less valuable because it is covered with mud? God sees the changeless beauty of our souls. He knows we are not our mistakes.

The truth of the matter is that although not all Muslims are terrorists, unfortunately, in today's world, most of the terrorists - 99 per cent - are Muslim.

When you go into public service, you understand you're trading something. You want to feel good about what you do, but you're not going to make what people in private sector make.

Directing is the ultimate way to bring together all the art forms I've been involved with over the years.