It's like the Fouth of July in my underpants.

Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.

You don't cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.

If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life.

Don’t do your best, do my best.

I feel like I'm a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.

Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.

No one is depressed when they're being chased by a bear.

I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.

You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.

If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?

Fantasyland was designed as a home for some of the classic characters [from those films], and as a symbol of the magic, hope and beauty of the human imagination.

People rely on Wikipedia, and a lot of it is wrong. But because there it is on the Internet, they assume it's right. Rumor gets printed as fact. We may have lost our critical facility as a nation.

In Missouri, where I come from, we don't talk about what we do - we just do it. If we talk about it, it's seen as bragging.

We're all made to make mistakes; nobody's perfect.

I don't like old people on a rock and roll stage. Me included.

I like to take chances, and that's the key to comedy -- dancing like an idiot but doing it with wild abandon.

Truth is only stranger than fiction if you're a stranger to the truth. Which means you're either a liar or you're fictional.

If people just put away what's left at the end of the month, that's a recipe for failure.

We are safer if there are not nuclear arsenals around the planet that can be utilized, stolen, sold to terrorists and others who would do harm.

He that would soothe sorrow must not argue on the vanity of the most deceitful hopes.