It's my belief we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.

Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.

Unless you are at a picnic, life is no picnic.

I have gained and lost the same 10 pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have deja vu!

The ability to delude yourself may be an important survival tool.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life. For better or worse. God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some way.

If olive oil comes from olives, then where does baby oil come from?

I worry that our lives are like soap operas. We can go for months and not tune in to them, then six months later we look in and the same stuff is still going on.

One thing I have no worry about is whether God exists. But it has occurred to me that God has Alzheimer's and has forgotten we exist.

I worry that humanity has been "advanced" to its present level of incompetency because evolution works on the Peter Principle.

You don't know what it's like! Hyperactive twins! When they turned three, my doctor prescribed Ritalin -- I wouldn't dream of giving a drug to my children, but it does help when I take it myself.

I stayed true to my dreams and, eventually, they came true.

Our goal is to make finance the servant, not the master, of the real economy.

Let us preach righteousness, and practice it. I do not wish to preach what I do not practice.

The film industry is so fickle about financing, and it's so difficult to get movies made.

The biggest reason most people fail is that they try to fix too much at once - join a gym, get out of debt, floss after meals and have thinner thighs in 30 days.

The day that witnesses the conversion of our ministers into political and philosophical speculators or scientific lecturers, will witness the final decay of clerical weight and influence.

It is our first duty to serve society, and after we have done that, we may attend wholly to the salvation of our own souls.

When women act like women, they are accused of being inferior. When women act like human beings, they are accused of behaving like men.

The sheets grow heavy as a lecher's kiss.

Only he who can view his own past as an abortion sprung from compulsion and need can use it to full advantage in the present.