It's my genius plan of avoiding any career momentum whatsoever. Definitely the pop-culture thing is something I've avoided in my act. It's just too transitory and ephemeral.

The thing is - I'm not an idiot. I'm rather intelligent, as proven by the fact that I just used the word 'rather' in a sentence.

Michael Jackson's charity efforts? Mmm. I'm sure they have nothing to do with his molestation charges.

I was told by a physician to avoid any line of work where people need to, um, depend on me for anything.

The Smurf village was destroyed weeks ago and Bush has still not made an appearance. George Bush doesn't care about tiny blue people.

America may be entering it’s Michael Jordan on the Wizards period.

There comes a point where the disappointments in your life accrue faster than you can find external forces to blame them on.

I haven't had a drink in twelve days and I've gotta say, I'm pretty shocked at how boring people are.

I used to play bass for a while and got to the point where I was good enough to be in a shitty band.

You rarely hear anyone use the word pancreas in a not-horrible context.

Canada, or as i call them, America Light.

Tucker: "Today we ran into a mama grizzly with two cubs at the ridge off Colter Bay and Clara sang to it to make it go away."Mrs. Avery: You sang to it?Tucker: Her singing is that bad.

Why are you looking at me? His eyes search mine for several long seconds before he holds contact and whispers, " Because I like your face.

I don't have any superstitions, but what I always travel with is my pillow and my coffee.

Of course, we also have the responsibility to win games and the difficulty in the job is to combine both.

Universe, vast universe, my heart is vaster.

I don't want to think that I am going to believe that I am a hell of a genius, or anything like that.

The most common mistakes are showing people your product- don't show them your product, it's sort of like telling them bout a feature.

We inhabit ourselves without valuing ourselves, unable to see that here, now, this very moment is sacred; but once it’s gone – its value is incontestable.

Being human is overrated.

Forks and spoons have probably done more to reconcile people who cannot agree than guns and bombs ever did