It's nice to be included in the broadcast food chain.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

I like the way you touch me.""I like to touch you... That works out for us, huh?

Likings arise when one has no earthly reason for liking - the most wildly improbable marriages and uncommon friendship.

A slip of the foot you may soon recover, but a slip of the tongue you may never get over.

Those who create are rare; those who cannot are numerous. Therefore, the latter are stronger.

A people that grows accustomed to sloppy writing is a people in the process of losing grip on its empire and on itself.

Films are always pretentious. There's nothing more pretentious than a filmmaker.

I would always love to be an athlete, but it's got to be a tough day when you have to hang up those cleats.

Gemma~Was he really looking at me that way? Kartik~What way? Gemma~Like a piece of ripe fruit? Katrik~You'd best be on your guard with him.

Hollywood, how can it hurt you when it looks so good?

As soon as men know that they can kill without fear of punishment or blame, they kill; or at least they encourage killers with approving smiles.