It's no surprise I am addicted to all the Republican presidential candidates. They are like crack -- in that they will devastate black communities.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

Beautiful things happen when you believe, just open your heart and your mind to conceive.

You are not on earth to simply make a living for yourself that is too small a purpose.

I listen to Radio 4 and put the iPod on shuffle. I like the randomness of, say, the Stones, then something from Nina Simone, Nick Drake or Bob Dylan.

On tough days, you gotta have heart. Don't quit, whatever you do. Persevere.

This country was seriously divided.

Honest people know that the road to success and virtue always involves shared sacrifice, hard work, and gratification postponed. Telling people otherwise isn't leadership, it is pandering.

I also write plays, so I understand the writers mind, and how obsessed you can get writing.

Start your day with good intentions and set yourself up for a good attitude. It's not what happens to you that matters but how you respond.

...you have to use your failures as stepping stones to success. You have to maintain a fine balance between hope and despair. In the end it’s all a question of balance.

I do not discriminate about size. I design dresses to accentuate a woman's positives, whether you are a size 0 or a size 3X.