It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.

I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name's not there, I eat breakfast.

Clouds in the sky very much resembles the thoughts in our minds! Both changes perpetually from one second to another!

I can so clearly distinguish between the criminal and his crime

in life it is better to be a supporting pillar than a destroying caterpillar

The ridiculous is produced by any defect that is unattended by pain, or fatal consequences; thus, an ugly and deformed countenance does not fail to cause laughter, if it is not occasioned by pain.

When riding my old Harley a ninety per at midnight down the Via Roma in Naples, I kept one consolation firmly in mind: If anything goes wrong, I'll never have time to regret it.

Rationalism doesn't require "belief," only observation. The real, measurable world doesn't care what you believe.

It's enormously cheering to get a good review by someone who seems to understand your work.

For the criminal who is weak and poor the narrow cell of death awaits; but honor and glory await the rich who conceal their crimes behind their gold and silver and inherited glory.

Andrea Leadsom flatly denies she has changed her CV.

My strength is breaking people down. I may not outrun or outsize you, but I will make you miss.