It's not a query of staying wholesome. It's a query of discovering a illness you want.

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

My grandfather always said, Don't watch your money, watch your health. So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.

Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.

Blacks can get into medical school with a lower grade ... If that's true, a Jew should be able to play basketball with a lower net.

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

On the murder of New York deli owner Abe Lebewohl: It's almost like wiping out Carnegie Hall. A sandwich to a Jew is just as important as a country to a Gentile.

My father was a very successful businessman, but he was ruined in the stock market crash. A big stockbroker jumped out the window and fell on his pushcart.

America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can't tear the tag off the mattress.

So where do you go? Back to the bottle And back to a tiny room somewhere. And wait. And wait, and wait. That's all.

Marriage is not a noun it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do. It's the way you love your partner every day.

I tried to go to Kosovo to establish a statue to commemorate those who died during the wars, and to discuss moving on, so we could move into a new era. But I was banned from there.

Employment is the surest antidote to sorrow.

Gerry Mulligan and Chet Baker seemed so sophisticated and bad. I wanted to be like that.

Don't you realize," Merlin said to his pupil, "that the history of the universe has brought us here to this second?

I don't isolate too much or make the project my god. This helps a lot with negative ideation.

My mother was a Northern woman, daughter of Hon. John Sergeant, a distinguished lawyer, and for many years representative in Congress from Philadelphia.

I observe my thoughts and entertain only those that empower me.

I am great at delegating when someone is doing great work. The problem - and this sounds terrible - is that there are very few people who are strong enough for you to be able to delegate to.