It's not a stereotype if it's always true.

Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.

Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.

I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn't make me cooler. And a lot of you are like 'that's cause you were homeschooled'.

Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.

The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.

They say money doesn't buy happiness. That phrase should end with 'just kidding'.

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'

What was once your crown will now be your collar, and you will wear it until you learn what it is to submit.

Among the most sacred gifts you can give your child is the gift of health. This gift is best given by example." Dr. Rand Olson

One of the things that would be great is to some day have so many women comedy writers that we wouldn't say there's just one type of female humor. There's lots.

Fondly we think we honor merit then, when we but praise ourselves in other men.

America tends to worship the modest talent because it doesn't put us in an uncomfortable position vis-a-vis the artist.

The universe is always ecstasy and it's always perfect, but we don't perceive it that well. If we keep doing our yoga in every lifetime, we perceive it more correctly.

When your kids accomplish something it means much more than anything you've done.

One thing I like about jazz is that it emphasized doing things differently from what other people were doing.

The success of a vision is determined by its ownership by both the leader and the people.

Naturally, when one makes progressive steps, there may be some who see it as a betrayal of their goals and interests.