It's not every day people fly you to New York for auditions.

Last year people won more than one billion dollars playing poker. And casinos made twenty-seven billion just by being around those people.

Don't judge me. I made a lot of money.

Kids do have to learn that life is a humiliating charade of endless disappointment and tragedy ultimately culminating in pain, decay, and death. My parents used to sing me to sleep with that one.

I'm capable of living in the moment. And I'm especially capable of living in the moment of sitting on my sofa and watching other people's moments.

I dislike Ted Cruz as much as the next everyone. But that's no reason to be rude to Ted's loving wife and possible hostage.

There's a danger zone if you take yourself too seriously. It's a terrible trap to fall into. I think it's the death of comedy.

It's like you can't even go on the radio anymore and condemn a whole subset of people to hell without getting some blowback.

I continue to be very shy. I think a lot of actors and performers are really weird, shy people working it out onstage. I don't know why that is.

You don't want to be glib; you want to treat every story respectfully.

I grew up an only child, so I was so much more adult. My eldest daughter is 10, and I was so much more of an adult than she is. She just doesn't care for the real world. She's not interested.

He's the strongest man in the w

A lack of giving in the life of a person will bring him to poverty.

I wrote because I needed to and wanted to. It never occurred to me that I'd become famous.

The Union is much older than the Constitution. It was formed in fact, by the Articles of Association in 1774. It was matured and continued by the Declaration of Independence in 1776.

In politics, my dear fellow, you know, as well as I do, there are no men, but ideas — no feelings, but interests; in politics we do not kill a man, we only remove an obstacle, that is all.

I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. YOU get better.

Virtue is the truest nobility.

romances and marriages are usually over long before they are over.

I believe in a libertarian communist society.

They say eyes clear with age.