It's not good for comedy to be like, 'Thanks for liking me'. Being popular is poison.

You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before.

I would start a revolution, but I just bought a hammock.

I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

If you read my blog, you know I'm a pilates freak. And by pilates, I mean waffles.

Tigers love pepper...they hate cinnamon.

Whether you are on the Right or the Left, everyone can agree that there are a lot of outside influences in American politics that are not good for the system. There's just too much money.

You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.

I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.

I have to stop crying when I watch "The View". It's not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry for that couch.

Never stop dreaming, ” the old king had said."Follow the omens.

Every time I'm in Georgia, I eat a peach for peace.

I was extremely moved by the plight of Tsunami victims and I was inspired to try to make a difference.

All creative people hate mathematics. It's the most uncreative subject you can study.

Universal love is the standard-sized socket that everyone can plug into. No adapting mechanism required.

I've got a grocery bill at the end of every month.Our toothpaste, our orange juice, that all gets paid. But I - it is true that I don't carry my wallet that often.

The violence in the Bible is appalling.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

Have you ever sabotaged yourself? Ever come close to victory only to slide back into the jaws of defeat? When you are fighting yourself, you can't win.

People were going to geometry class and I was swimming through vats of chili on 'Even Stevens.' It was like a dream!