It's not terrible, I guess, but if Ricky Gervais was half as talented as me, maybe the show would actually be funny once in a while.

I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people.

I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.

I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.

It's all about being a part of something in the community, socializing with people who share interests and coming together to help improve the world we live in.

In New York, we tip everyone. We tip doormen, we tip cab drivers, and we tip bartenders at the bar. You'll get quite an evil eye if you don't leave a tip at the bar.

I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs.

The best way to travel abroad is to live with the locals.

I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose stops, in my opinion.

He who distinguishes the true savor of his food can never be a glutton

I've been programming computers since elementary school, where they taught us, and I stuck with computer science through high school and college.

Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit.'

Lovers and mystics are familiar with this sense of grandeur, this taste of joy - in abandoning oneself to the will of others.

We who are engaged in the sacred cause of education are entitled to look upon all parents as having given hostages to our cause.

By listening to the creator within, we are led to our right path.

The paintings that really excite me have an erotic element or side to them irrespective of subject matter

There seems is predominantly a white person's drug addiction epidemic, so that's why you see white people in our film, Warning: This Drug May Kill You.

We have a normal. As you move outside of your comfort zone, what was once the unknown and frightening becomes your new normal.

Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial, it just doesn't work!