It's not that I don't trust you, Dunstable, it's simply that I don't trust you.

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.

It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine.

I always advise people never to give advice.

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.

It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

Neither can you explain yourself to me. Nor can I explain myself to you. You have your sadness and I have mine.

We didn't disqualify Hillary Clinton to be President of the United States the facts of her life and career disqualify her.

call out if you need a hand. if she looks like she's going to have you, i'll sneak up behind her and whach her on the head with a stiff rabbit

We hear only those questions for which we are in a position to find answers.

To go on being an actor, you need sheer animal energy. If you can't restock your energy, you have to hide your lack of it.

As we head to war with Iraq, President Bush wants to make one thing clear: This war is not about oil. It's about gasoline.

Character must be kept bright as well as clean.

What I'm interested in is modern American history. I'm taken with the changes that have occurred in America in my lifetime.

Change the mind, and you can change the body.

The prudent man does himself good; the virtuous one does it to other men.