It's not the hair on your head that matters. It's the kind of hair you have inside.

When I'm not in a relationship, I shave one leg. That way, when I sleep, it feels like I'm with a woman.

Nice guys finish first. If you don't know that, then you don't know where the finish line is.

I'm very loyal in a relationship. Any relationship. When I go out with my mom, I don't look at other moms and go, "I wonder what her macaroni and cheese tastes like."

My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me.

They should put expiration dates on clothing so we men will know when they go out of style.

Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.

I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead.

I play basketball on Sundays and I'm a very spiritual guy; I read a lot of Eastern philosophy and I meditate.

Women need to know that not all guys are going to hurt them the way that the guy did before they started dating me. I know guys I wouldn't go out with.

I'm dating a homeless woman. It was easier talking her into staying over.

I help others because I can, not because I expect something in return.

Every piece of art has a buyer. Only Time decides when the right buyer will see it.

Everybody's got a true home—maybe not where they're living, butwhere their heart lives.

One gains a profoundly personal, selfish joy from the mere existence of the person one loves. It is one’s own personal, selfish happiness that one seeks, earns and derives from love.

The liberty of the individual is no gift of civilization. It was greatest before there was any civilization.

Life is hard. Next to what?

An artist must be a reactionary

No path back home is better than any other path.

Maybe I should go back to teaching school about crazy people instead of being one. (Jim Alvin)

This valley is the only place that comes up to the brag about it, and exceeds it.