It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the dog's owner - and the distance you are from your car.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself

But people of the deepest understanding look within, distracted by nothing. Since a clear mind is the Buddha, they attain the understanding of a Buddha without using the mind.

Rebels revel in rewriting reality's restrictions.

Nine-tenths of wisdom consists in being wise in time.

I don’t want you to think I got through this undamaged, okay? But I’m learning to live with it. Because otherwise, the damage is all you are.

Every one stretcheth his legges according to his coverlet. [Every one stretches his legs according to his coverlet.]

I think the way we played was as important as winning the title, the way we did it with the players and the fans enjoying it.

Listen - man is a child of Nature. When he turns against his mother - he's done! He may not find out about it right away, but he will.

Making a movie is like a marathon, and commercials are like sprints - they're equally satisfying, but in different ways.