It's okay to get stoned, as long as its not by other people.

I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them

Yet there are some people - Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he's a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I'm doing it right now and you all seem bored.

I'd like a nice piece of salmon that's not too pink inside and yet isn't too dry or crisp either.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And if that doesn't work out for you, Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.

My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I'm going back to bed.

If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you're fine.

I don't roll like that but I've never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that's good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that's a little disturbing.

My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that's how he dealt with my mom.

Ministers never write or preach so well as when under the cross.

What Donald Trump is proposing with these massive tax cuts will result in a $20 trillion additional national debt. That will have dire consequences for Social Security and Medicare.

As George Costanza would say, when they're applauding, stop.

New places always help us look at life differently

What’s looming in the shadows of our ignorance and denial is a critique of civilization itself.

The key to security is public information.

I came to painting through sculpture, to images through objects. I think that images sit in the middle, somewhere between objects and words.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Democrat leaders are not only out of the American mainstream, but are also out of the Democratic mainstream.

How Time doth lash us with sharp pains, Set loose our teeth, snatch wisps of hair, dim eyes -- And finally bend our backs toward earth To find the fittest place for burial.