It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.

I knew I was going bald when it was taking longer and longer to wash my face.

You might heckle me now - but when I get home, I've got a chicken in the oven.

You can tell a lot about someone's personality if you know his star sign -Jesus, born on 25 December, fed the five thousand, walked on water -typical Capricorn.

My dad used to say 'Always fight fire with fire,' which is probably why he got thrown out of the the fire brigade.

I went to a restaurant the other day called 'Taste of the Raj.' The waiter hit me with a stick and got me to build a complicated railway system.

The mobile phone, the fax, emails. Call me old fashioned, but what's wrong with a chain of beacons?

I have a really nice step ladder, sadly, I never knew my real ladder.

never say never. whoops - said it twice

Never limit yourself to what you can't do, but to what you have the power to do with what you have.

I was still keenly aware as in my childhood of the inexplicable nature of my presence here on earth

Making great strides without a well-defined purpose will not bring positive results.

Running is bad for your knees and I like to do things I actually enjoy, like going for a swim.

Protect those who protect you.

Loving yourself means caring enough to make the hard decisions in your life.

President Trump is going to keep the promises he made to the American people through decisive executive action and through legislation.

I laugh when I end up on the worst-dressed lists. I'm not trying to be fashionable. I know I'm kind of a cartoon character. Do people honestly think I'm wearing a kafkan in order to be fashionable?

I'll be damned, you got laid.

The best critic needn't be right, just interesting.