It's paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.

Being kind is more important than being right.

I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran.

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.

Everyone starts out being an atheist. No one is born with belief in anything. Infants are atheists until they are indoctrinated.

People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

In a fieldI am the absenceof field.This isalways the case.Wherever I amI am what is missing.

Perhaps not willingly, but pain can make a man do things he wouldn't willingly do.

An anarchist is someone who rejects the curious notion that crimes become virtues as they grow in size.

The only reason I got into stand-up was because my brother told me to. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. I was 17 and my brother went to a comedy club and he said - you can do that.

I certainly think that when I flick through all the magazines at the hairdresser's I like to see and am drawn to images that have an intelligence and mind at work behind them.

Wakefulness is the way to life. The fool sleeps As if he were already dead, But the master is awake And he lives forever.

Nobody gets into heaven without a glowstick.

Getting lost is not a waste of time.

I don't have the best family history heart-wise, so I really try to keep my heart strong.

Sometimes you have to learn how to shoot first.