It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

Psychology is action not thinking about oneself.

The Internet has brought communities across the globe closer together through instant communication.

The Press, which is mostly controlled by vested interests, has an excessive influence on public opinion.

A god who let us prove his existence would be an idol.

If you put a ten dollar bill under the rug instead of spending it, that is capital formation. It represents ten dollars' worth of something that might have been immediately consumed, but wasn't.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

I think that Jim Rice should be in the Hall of Fame. I think that Craig Nettles should be in the Hall of Fame and he didn't even get a sniff.

I have known a very good, fisher angle diligently four or six hours for a river carp, and not have a bite.

Fate is nonawareness.

All people of African descent, whether they live in North or South America, the Caribbean, or in any part of the world are Africans and belong to the African nation.