It's so nice to share a day as beautiful as this one with hundreds of thousands of reckless drivers.

I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them

Yet there are some people - Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he's a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I'm doing it right now and you all seem bored.

I'd like a nice piece of salmon that's not too pink inside and yet isn't too dry or crisp either.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And if that doesn't work out for you, Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.

My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I'm going back to bed.

If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you're fine.

I don't roll like that but I've never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that's good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that's a little disturbing.

My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that's how he dealt with my mom.

There's no longer any surprise in noting that China has grave environmental problems.

Small children do not belong at an adult party, and especially should not be used like trained midgets to help serve martinis.

I'm not going to give up. If you pay attention to my plan and the way I live and the way I eat, then you have a chance to extend your life a few more years.

If you don't ask the right questions, I can't give you the answers, and if you don't know the right question to ask, you're not ready for the answers

We beseech [God] to pardon our national and other transgressions.

The American Constitution was not written to protect criminals; it was written to protect the government from becoming criminals.

I'm not contented to capture the world. I want to change it.

I have very few friends. I'm an associate of everybody and friend of none.

We lose our souls if we lose the experience of the forest, the butterflies, the song of the birds, if we can't see the stars at night.

I think a man is a man, and a man has a hairy chest, so let that be!