It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or does it not really feel like Ramadan?

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Fate. Sounds romantic.”“You must not know anything about mythology, then, Mr. McQueen. In all the old myths, the Fates were the villains.

Determination and willingness can change the situation when we are distructed

When I look at my life and its secret colors, I feel like bursting into tears.

Once you were apes, yet even now man is more of an ape than any of the apes.

When all my friends insisted that they were feeling jaded, it struck me as an affected pose. To me, everything is always new.

Bad guys are complicated characters. It's always fun to play them. You get away with a lot more. You don't have a heroic code you have to live by.

Never fight with Russian. On your every stratagem they answer unpredictable stupidity.

I got rabies shots for biting the head off a bat but that's OK - the bat had to get Ozzy shots.

Keep your life in a positive perspective. We are not defined by our pasts

It will always be the ball and me.