It's the first day of spring. That means this weekend I'll take down my Christmas lights.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

. . . I could't get lost in the story, not the way you need to be, to become somebody else.

Power came the way a child came -- with agony.

And he didn't get tired or sleepy, for the beauty burned in him like fire.

If I were asked to name the chief benefit of the house, I should say: the house shelters day-dreaming, the house protects the dreamer, the house allows one to dream in peace.

I'm going to be honest: I know a lot less about economics than I do about military and foreign policy issues. I still need to be educated.

The problem sincere Christians have with God often comes down to a wrong understanding of what this life is meant to provide.

I didn't realize until those few days how much a hug meant. To have someone hold you could be the greatest medicine of all.

All life is a dream, and all dreams are dreams.

I don't really know any other musicians like me. I grew up backstage with my dad who played in a post-war dance band, so I always feel at home at a venue.

These flowers are like the pleasures of the world.