It's the most fun I've had with my clothes on.

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.

Pressure is playing for ten dollars when you don't have a dime in your pocket.

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

I'm going to win so much money this year, my caddie will make the top twenty money-winners list.

The older I get, the better I used to be.

You're Mexican until you make money and then you're Spanish.

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.

There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

You are positively beautiful and I love you. Pass it on…

Today I feel like I did tomorrow.

What's great about an office Christmas party is that it uncovers and reveals parts of your personality that you didn't see coming.

Think first of the action that is right to take, think later about coping with one's fears.

Be what we make, and not who we are.

He who does not know Him, knows nothing else as it truly is.

For me the question was, do I want my paycheck to be dependent on how other people think I look?

Television is so much about continuing to work with people.

Life is gamble, It's harsh and painful most of the time, and it's not for the timid. Spoils go to the victor, not to the one who doesn't even show up for the battle." -Acheron