It's this patronizing thing that people have about if you're against the war everyone's lumped together. You know, the soldiers are not scholars, they're not war experts.

What am I grateful for? Aside from my own great life, you mean? I'm just grateful that my wife, and daughter, and dogs are all healthy.

If you tell a lie that's big enough, and you tell it often enough, people will believe you're telling the truth, even if what you're saying is total crap.

The truth will set you free...unless you want to know the truth about who killed JFK.

Anybody who thinks there's not a vast right-wing conspiracy in this country must also think that Ken Starr should be our next ambassador to Luxembourg.

I've known Chevy Chase for so long, I actually knew him when he was funny!

Civil liberties, good. Lawyers, bad.

Do you know what happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your wife back, your dog back and your job back.

The whole purpose of education is to turn mirrors into windows.

The trouble with being angry is that it not only makes you feel stupid, it encourages you to say stupid things as well. Stupid things that are hard to take back and impossible to erase.

Heaven is fleeting, but Hell is an eternity. Hell becomes the more so the longer one lives it.

We have all a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other person can be.

It's the same struggle for each of us, and the same path out: the utterly simple, infinitely wise, ultimately defiant act of loving one thing and then another, loving our way back to life.

What is the point of competing for a trophy if everyone gets a trophy?

What bothers me most about today is that we're getting used 2 it. ENOUGH. 2nd amendment must go. Violence has 2 stop. Culture MUST change.

If he's forgotten me, I'll make him remember me. I'll make him want me again.

You know, what's so dreadful about dying is that you are completely on your own.

Was it the forgetfulness of old age or personal incapacity that made the man able to say please but not thank you?