It’s true what they say about patience being a virtue; it just happens to be a virtue that I choose not to pursue.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

As an actor, often you're stuck with these scenes in which a great period of time is in between them - for example, if you do a biopic, it might be a year, it might be a decade, you never know.

Someone I've always admired is Catherine O'Hara... I think she's one of the best actresses in the country, not only comedy. I just think she's just a step aside from everybody, she's just wonderful.

The Network of Enlightenment watches over a world and guides it, tenderly. Not interfering in its natural course of evolution is our way.

I feel like always wanting more... that's how you grow and learn. You can't just be satisfied with where you are. There's so much more to learn and consume.

Since the earliest period of our life was preverbal, everything depended on emotional interaction. Without someone to reflect our emotions, we had no way of knowing who we were.

This is the first time in my life I've had hair this short. It's always been down to my waist. I can't hide behind my hair any more

The secret to living the life of your dreams is to START living the life of your dreams.

Okay, so maybe I'm romantic... but somebody is supposed to be romantic. Some warrior is supposed to go to war against the imperial forces of cynicism and irony. I am a sentimental soldier.

Some people are scared of dying. Never be afraid to die. Because you're born to die.

One thing that is true in TV is that you do hire the directors. As the writer, it's very different than in features, where you feel like, "If I want this to be this way, I better direct it."