It's unfiltered conversation and I love it. I also like to argue with children, so it's the perfect platform for me.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

As for you Rose Tyler you gave up on me! That's rude. Is all I am rude and not ginger?" The Doctor

You cannot surprise an individual more than twice with the same marvel

I don't want to fool with it but what choice have I got? They don't give you any choice now. I can let it go

The truth is I had lots of rehab and now I have a clean bill of health.

You know, you don't have to have money to be a successful businessperson. You don't need a college degree. You just need a lot of common sense backed up by a willingness to work hard.

When you lose your vision, you lose contact with things. When you lose your hearing, you lose contact with people.

I do call upon a little Fish Mooney energy sometimes, believe it or not.

As soon as I did my first five minutes of stand-up I knew that I would rather be a failure at comedy than a success in marketing.

A lot of things in 'Parents' I find very truthful.

Who could have predicted what would happen in the time it takes to boil an egg?