It seems a shallow observation, but... the Tory Conference are not an attractive lot, are they? I mean, if all those people were born in the same village, you'd blame pollution, wouldn't you?

Marriage is like the witness protection programme: you get all new clothes, you live in the suburbs, and you're not allowed to see your friends anymore.

My daughter wanted a new pair of trainers. I told her You're eleven, make your own!

The Afghan War has clearly reached a stage similar to that moment at your child's party where you realise you've forgotten to give the other parents a pick up time.

The only way you can ever accuse a Conservative of hypocrisy is if they walk past a homeless person without kicking him in the face.

You can inherit male-pattern baldness from your mother's father, but not a tendency to fight in the First World War.

Northern Ireland is part of Ireland, not Britain, as can clearly be seen from aerial photographs.

Most harm is done by people who are awake.

Capitalism is a great idea in theory, but in practice it just doesn't work.

Why don't people just accept that life is sad and cheer up? After all, it's not going to last for ever.

If you just took everyone in the BNP and everyone who votes for them and shot them in the back of the head, there would be a brighter future for us all.

Once she kissed me, my heart slowed, and every muscle in my body relaxed. How much I needed her terrified me. -pg 252/ARC

When I have money, I invest in buying books. My personal development by reading these books is my greatest pleasure.

To see others suffer does one good, to make others suffer even more: this is a hard saying but an ancient, mighty, human, all-too-human principle [....] Without cruelty there is no festival.

Mental understanding cannot change our life, unless it becomes real understanding.

He was half a politician, and like most of his kind he was an insecure man.

It is only fools who keep straining at high C all their lives.

She could do anything with dynamite, except eat it.

The blogosphere rewards no-holds-barred smartassery.

I've been in the Bible every day since I've been the president.

Surround yourself only with those who lift you higher.