It sucks being fat, you know.

When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show.

Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.

Learn how to set goals. That's the key to everything. That includes designing your own success. You define what the goal is, it's not somebody else's goal, it's yours.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

I'm a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself.

I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.

There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it.

You say tomato, I say bourbon and coke.

Things don't make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that's something everyone can do.

Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now.

History is really a study of the future, not the past.

Energy holds our potential in patterns of intelligence. Self awareness can take us to these shimmering fields so we can manifest our choices ~ Jeanne McElvaney

Through this evening of sentences cut short because their completed meaning was always sorrow, of normal life dissolved to tears, the chords of Beethoven sounded serenely.

When you overcome fear, you will be strengthened by faith

Beauty is everlasting And dust is for a time.

Let us not be satisfied with just giving money. Money is not enough, money can be got, but they need your hearts to love them. So, spread your love everywhere you go.

When Pat Robertson says there is no constitutional doctrine of separation of church and state, I say he is wrong.

The 'Crue' is not the hardest band to cover. There are no harmonies like the Eagles.

I can't stand loud guitars that make me deaf.

When you are about to die, a wombat is better than no company at all.