It tastes like water spiked with strange.

The simplest strategy for bouts of noxious flatus is to not care. Or perhaps to take advantage of a gastroenterologist I know: get a dog. (To blame.)

I challenge you to find a more innocuous sentence containing the words sperm, suction, swallow, and any homophone of seaman. And then call me up on the homophone and read it to me.

The human digestive tract is like the Amtrak line from Seattle to Los Angeles: transit time is about thirty hours, and the scenery on the last leg is pretty monotonous.

Constipation ran Presley's life. Even his famous motto TCB— 'Taking Care of Business'— sounds like a reference to bathroom matters.

It's called the FATLOSE trail. FATLOSE stands for 'Fecal Administration To LOSE weight, ' an example of PLEASE— Pretty Lame Excuse for an Acronym, Scientists and Experimenters.

People are messy, unpredictable things.

Meaning 'by way of the anus'. 'Per Annum', with two n's, means 'yearly'. The correct answer to the question, 'What is the birthrate per anum?' is zero (one hopes).

Most of us, most of the time, act within plays the lines of which were written long ago, the images of which require recognition, not invention.

Trust can be a hard lesson

God takes us through life's journey. Always nudging our Spirits to go for plus and shun the minus.

It's an American worker's right to unionize for sure, but that being said, don't expect me not to point out when or if union leadership takes advantage of union members.

But I think technology advertising will have to stop addressing how products are made and concentrate more on what a product will do for the consumer.

People sometimes ask me, because of the blacklisting, "Do you hate the government? Don't you hate white people?" No, it's greed that's the problem.

Let your countenance be pleasant, but in serious matters let it be somewhat grave.

You can permit yourself any liberty in the opening except the luxury of a passive position.

When two people are really happy about one another one can generally assume they are mistaken.

Most of the confidence which I appear to feel, especially when influenced by noon wine, is only a pretense.