It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

Hi ladies, Hi Girls..., If you don't add more knowledge to what you already know, you may be a virgin but may not raise your bar! Go, get extra oil!

If you want to know the value of a minute ask the person who came to the train station or airport a minute late.

All men are made one for another: either then teach them better or bear with them.

Your secret yearnings and tearful pleadings will touch the heart of both the Father and the Son.

Everybody uses pop culture as a shorthand.

You youngsters nowadays think you're to begin with living well and working easy; you've no notion of running afoot before you get on horseback.

I wasn't being critical of myself in the way I can normally be, and I was letting myself follow through with stuff. It was like a prolonged spontaneity.

Everything happens for a reason. I believe in this at the highest level.

When I am tanned and in shape I feel confident about my appearance.

Now I'm a painter. That was another opportunity I was able to pursue, I've been painting all my life, now it's become a second career because of my success in the movies.