It usually takes two people a little while to learn where the funny buttons are and testy buttons are.

My dad was Jewish. My mom is not. So I was not raised anything.

I get letters from women, and they say, 'I love your Roman nose.' If I weren't on TV and I walked past that same woman, she'd go, 'Did you see the beak on that guy?'

So you can look me in the eye and say that you are a president committed to cleaning up the environment?

Not a lot of conservatives on this list. Are more liberals than conservatives screwing up America?

The fact that you fell out of bed makes some people think you had more than one drink before you called for help.

The Iraqis have once again failed to meet a deadline for a final draft of the constitution.

Not only is it a great concept and a great idea -- helping people -- it's good pizza too!

America remembers. On this 12th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, the nation honors those who were lost.

If you are the person who gets the lion's share of attention in good times, guess what: you get the lion's share of attention in bad times.

There was always an unspoken generosity about my mom.

I don't know where to go from here, So I crawl back inside me, AndTurn the lights off.

God is neither just nor unjust. ‘No one be hurt in the slightest’

Life is the sum of your choices.

Where Religion does take place and is effectual, it makes this world, in measure and degree, representative of Heaven.

If I am only happy for myself, many fewer chances for happiness. If I am happy when good things happen to other people, billions more chances to be happy!

If you don't have imagination you're lost. But it's a virtue that's becoming increasingly rare, especially in its higher form: spontaneity. Mad, happy spontaneity.

I think people really don't like cops so much; they're kind of rude to them or treat them like they can't see them.

I'm doomed to act like myself, even when it's inconvenient!

A generation ago [the Democratic Party] stood for progressive change. Now they defend every federal program as if each were sacred. They have become the most conservative force in American politics.

When you play somebody's life, everything about your likeness, everything about the way you talk, whatever, has to become that person.