It was amazing how many friends you could make by being bad at things, provided you were bad enough to be funny.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

The most incredible thing about being a parent is seeing your own personality come out in your children.

Listen, gods die when they are forgotten. People too. But the land's still here. The good places, and the bad. The land isn't going anywhere. And neither am I.

Design is nothing if not decision making.

It's my favorite thing to do: luxurious nothing.

We're more Christian than the Pope. And, I mean, that's not our religion. We pray to the Gods of our conquerors... all black and brown people.

Who is going to cast out an error to which he has given birth and replace it with an adopted truth?

Americans just love convening. They are a convention-happy country and they love to get together to talk.

I was a weirdo to want to be in show business. Most kids wanted to be teachers or nurses.

I have friends come over and we read plays out loud and I make paintings and I just do things all the time just so I don't ever feel like I'm sitting around.

When management owns stock, then rewarding the shareholders becomes a first priority, whereas when management simply collects a paycheck, then increasing salaries becomes a first priority.