It was difficult to get into my friends' rock bands when I was a teenager. They somehow didn't see the need for an accordion player. That's when I realized that I had to find my own path in life.

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads.”

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab.

Whatever hypnotizing charms I may have over boys, did not in fact work on three hundred pound girl elves. Not that I would ever try it again.

I had always been warned that American didn't always get sarcasm

A Grandmother thinks of her grandchildren day and night, even when they are not with her.She will always love them more than anyone would understand.

There's this constant guilt that comes with parenting. You always feel like you're never enough. If you're confident in your parenting, you probably suck at it.

The difference between Marilyn Monroe and the early Pamela Anderson is not that great.

Any CEO who cannot clearly articulate the intangible assets of his brand and understand its connection to customers, is in trouble.

Astrology is a language. If you understand this language, the sky speaks to you.

Men commonly couple with their idea of marriage a slight degree at least of sensuality; but every lover, the world over, believesin its inconceivable purity.

The Church is the home that accepts everyone and refuses no one ... the greater the sin, the greater the love that the Church should show towards those who convert.

If life isn't about human beings and living in harmony, then I don't know what it's about.