It was early on when I was really focused and obsessed with doing The Tonight Show and Letterman and stuff like that. Then, I quickly realized that those things don't make or break a career.

Every cookie is a sugar cookie. A cookie without sugar is a cracker.

No matter what time of year it's always funny when a person walks by me dressed in religious garb and I say Happy Halloween!

Just saw an orthodox Jewish kid do 3 pull-ups on the scaffolding. Shattering the previous record.

Don't go back over your life with a red pen.

Some people hate Jews. Fine, alright it's been done. I mean, that's part of my problem with it. Could you hate somebody new? I'm not giving you any suggestions but the Belgians have had a good run.

The key is to get it all down on paper before the coffee stops telling you you're talented.

Rich people are just like us though they now eat their meals off square shaped plates.

If you are 26 years old and you're waking up under Star Wars sheets... the Force is not with you.

The definition of the word nerd has changed. It's now any attractive person with a hobby. The loneliness component is no longer included.

I sometimes throw in a couple of swears just to keep the Christian right off my tail. I wouldn't want to be the tea party's go-to comedian.

The most successful people I know are also the most reliable.

You need to find your gift, something you are doing better than others

The natural resources of the world do not belong to any person, organization, collective, or so-called nation.

Evolution happens. There's no football team in the world that has stayed together for time ever more.

Reckless haste makes poor speed.

Hope of consciousness is strength. Hope of feelings is slavery. Hope of body is disease.

The desire to be singular and to astonish by ways out of the common seems to me to be the source of many virtues.

One of the main things about Cockney is, you speak at twice the speed as Americans. Americans speak very slow.

In life, like, I'm always living life to the fullest to always have fun.

It's true, I suffer a great deal-but do I suffer well? That is the question.