It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.

It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine.

I always advise people never to give advice.

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of one who has searched for the leak in life's gas-pipe with a lighted candle.

Trust not in Sprites nor the motivations of a Gnome.

To learn to concentrate we must choose a prayer or meditation and follow this path with commitment and steadiness, a willingness to work with our practice day after day, no matter what arises.

Believe that God is strong enough to save your children, no matter how you fail.

Who do you think controls the Republican Party? Big money controls the Republican Party. This is where their campaign contributions come from.

I think Franklin Roosevelt was a lousy president. What he did- which is to impose this great nanny state on America- was a great mistake.

I'm always advised and I follow that advice never to talk about security issues.

I was always into music. I think everyone is when they're a teenager, as a way to drown out the world.

He who has ceased to enjoy his friend's superiority has ceased to love him.

I did not get my Spaghetti-O's, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this.

It is life's only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life.